Dear Derek…
I miss you so much. It’s so hard to believe that you’re really gone. I’ll never forget those 3 words that Daddy said to me, the words that forever changed my life, all our lives - “We lost him”. Honestly , it still doesn’t feel real. I still feel like it’s all a horrible nightmare that I’ll wake up out of. When Larry came to my job that evening to tell me that you’d been shot, it NEVER crossed my mind that we’d end up where we are today. I just never thought that this would happen. I know that we worried about you, but I don’t think we ever really thought that we’d have to actually go through it. This just feels like a horrible mistake. I so wish it were a dream. Sometimes when I dream about you, I wake up and think you’re still here. I still find myself calling your phone, hoping that you’ll pick up the other end. But I know in my heart that you never will.
Things have been so difficult without you here. Everybody is “doing”, but your absence is felt every single day. No one should have to go through this. Mama and Daddy should have their son. Ericka should have her husband. Sydni and Chandler should have their Daddy. Gavin should have his Uncle Derek. Larry should have his “kickin’ it buddy”. I should have my big brother. My emotions sometimes get the best of me - I’m sad, angry, mad, confused, hurt. The tears still flow, the pain is still there and is just as deep. I just don’t understand why. I can’t imagine going the rest of my life without ever talking to you again, never hearing your voice or seeing your face. Everytime I come home I go to the cemetary to visit your grave site. The thought that I now have to visit you at the cemetary is absolutely mind-blowing to me.
Derek, I am so proud to call you my brother. Your life was the definition of H-E-R-O. I know you’re looking down and us and will forever watch over us all. Gavin has already heard so many stories about his Uncle Derek, and I swear you’re sometimes standing over my shoulder making faces at him! He would have loved you, and I know he would’ve had your heart wrapped around his little finger.
I only hope you know how much you were loved. Your passing has affected so many people in ways that we could’ve only imagined. You told us you were a Legend! Please know that your living was never in vain, and your sacrifice will NOT be forgotten. I promise you with everything I have to always keep your memory alive.
I love you and miss you more than I can say.
Happy Birthday, Big Brother.
Your Little Sis.